Him: "You into being a dom? I'm a f----t sissy."
Me: rolling my eyes, "Yeah, I'm into that. You got stuff with you, right?"
During my active meth use, I would pretend to be into whatever the guy wanted in exchange for drugs and companionship.
I was dishonest and transactional. Typical people pleaser.
I said yes to - almost - everything. Even when I wanted to say no.
Meth didn't cause me to be a people pleaser. I was one before I met Tina.
In retrospect, I lived my life being dishonest about what I really wanted in exchange for the approval and validation of others around me.
Often the personality characteristics that exist within us while sober are enhanced while under the influence of meth.
So, in the chemsex realm, this looked like doing anything to feel validated, connected, accepted and wanted.
My personal values and preferences were minimized. In fact, over time I didn't even know what they were.
Does sound familiar to you?
In a past newsletter, I wrote that most of the men I help fall into two categories: victims or perfectionists. Well, since then I've noticed a third type: people pleaser.
If you're reading this as someone in recovery from crystal meth, chances are you've felt the weight of constantly trying to make everyone else happy while your own needs got buried deeper and deeper.
Let's talk about what people pleasing actually is, where it comes from, and most importantly - how we can start healing from it.
I help gay men break free from the addictive patterns of chemsex (Tina) and become their best and highest selves. My 1:1 coaching, Recovery Alchemy, is a six-month intense program that can literally change your life. I accept 2 new clients per month. Apply Here.
What People-Pleasing Really Looks Like
People-pleasing isn't just being nice or caring about others.
It's that compulsive need to say "yes" when everything inside you is screaming "no."
