Hey y'all,
If you've listened to my recovery story, you may recall that early on, I found a job serving at a local high-end steakhouse.
Every day before the shift began, we were required to circle around the managers to hear the latest announcements and typically a list of server wrongdoings.
I can remember listening with disdain each time a particular manager addressed the group.
I would roll my eyes, make a face to anyone who would make eye contact with me, my heart would speed up, and I would clinch my fists -- I was being triggered.
At some point, I never heard a word he said because my inner contempt drowned out his words.
I would complain to other servers: "He is so ARROGANT!"
Holding that opinion of him meant that every single word or behavior from him was filtered through this thought. I was constantly scanning for proof of his arrogance.
This went on until after my moment in the woods when I had my spiritual awakening (refer to my story). After that point, I began to see that the world outside of myself is simply a reflection of me.
I remember thinking, "That arrogant POS is NOT a reflection of me at all."
But then, I stood back and took on the role of an observer, learning the right questions to ask.
Instead, I asked, "HOW is this arrogant POS a reflection of me?"
Then I learned the most valuable tool in shadow work: replacing them with me.
Instead of "He is an arrogant POS," I said, "I am an arrogant POS." Then allowed that to saturate through my body.
Then it hit me. I WAS being arrogant. How dare him call me out? ME? I'd been serving since I was 18 years old. How dare him ever correct me? How dare him correct anyone?
Then the floodgates opened. I began seeing all the ways in my life that I was being arrogant toward my coworkers, friends, and family.
This "POS" became the gift sent from the Universe to make me a better man.
That's how I first learned that triggering people are my best friends. And that's also when recovery became real, sustainable, and a gateway to my highest expression.
Nothing Is Personal (And That's Your Freedom)
Here's something that will change your entire recovery if you let it sink in: nothing that anyone does or says to you is actually about you. Nothing.
That criticism from your ex? Not about you.
The rejection on the apps? Not about you.
Your family's disappointment? Not about you.
That friend who flaked on plans? Not about you.
Everything everyone does is about them—their wounds, their fears, their blindspots, their programming.
