Debunking "My Disease"

Many 12-step programs would have you believe that addiction is a life sentence.

What a grim glimpse of sobriety. Where’s the incentive?

If you are newly sober or know someone who is, and you/they are living in constant fear of the ‘disease’ taking over, this article is for you:

Active addiction is a life of perpetual fear and resentment.

Some sobriety circles create a container that trades one fear for another. There can be an indirect message that cripples the impressionable and fragile newly sober individual that says:

“If you don’t behave in the way we say, you will end up as a worthless addict again.”

Why be sober if you can’t be free?

When I was newly sober, I left every 12-step meeting feeling distraught. “My name is Dallas and I am an addict” reverberated in my head as the label I would carry for the rest of my life.

Did a life of sobriety equate to struggling every day on the verge of using and then lamenting with a group who also barely made it to 5:00 pm without picking up?

Hearing “my disease” felt like bypassing the healing work of accountability. Something inside of me just didn’t resonate with this perspective.

I decided to create my own healing journey and define Sober my way.

My day one began the moment I proclaimed to my children that I had made the decision to stop using crystal meth. Yes, I relapsed after that, but I never counted consecutive days of sobriety.

The idea of “starting over” after a relapse reeked of shameful manipulation and did not resonate with me. I used relapse as a stepping stone to learning and actually celebrated the experience.

Soon, the need to numb the pain with substances began to dissolve. I’ve replaced cravings for drugs with cravings for self-love.

Here are some suggestions for you or your loved ones based on my personal experience:

Awaken the Imagination

Anchor into the vision of your next chapter. The problem I see with many addicts is that they struggle to envision life without the substance.

How do you strive for a new life when the concept seems totally foreign?

Dream big to create every aspect of your new identity.

I sat down with a notebook and began to dream about my life by asking "If there were absolutely no limits of time, money, or energy, how would I build my life?".

I suggest being unrealistic so you stretch the imagination and really begin to conceptualize what you could have without addiction as the main focus.

Most importantly, feel the emotion of being that person. Every night before bed, read this journal and FEEL the emotion of having those dreams accomplished. Emotion is truly the conduit for your imagination to become reality.

Awaken the observer:

Addictive habits are automatic physical functions. This means they are rooted in the mechanical, animalistic parts of your brain. They are not YOU.

Becoming an observer detaches your identity from your habits. Begin with small changes in the way you speak about your addiction. For instance “Parts of me really want to (drink. smoke, inject) right now. This separates your identity from the addiction so you can begin to study it.

Study the motivation and intention behind every action. It might feel silly, but ask that part of you “Why is it that you want to use right now?”

You will be very surprised by how your intuition will kick in and answer this question. You will begin to unpack, on a deep level, the trauma and beliefs that drive your addictive patterns.

Awaken the Belief

Allow emotional triggers to occur without suppressing them. You are going to experience some intense emotional waves; let them come! Allow the emotion to move through your body and observe how it shows up physically.

Triggers are guideposts to reveal your underlying beliefs. When you are triggered, your Higher Power is inviting you to look deeply into the belief that is behind the trigger. These beliefs are your version of “I am not enough.”

When you take the time to discover the beliefs behind your addictive behaviors, what voice you are trying to numb with the substance (or behavior or thought pattern), you will dissolve the cravings.

You will be set free from addiction.

Awaken New Habits

The way to change your life’s direction is to create a new set of beliefs that will drive your thoughts, behaviors, and words.

This happens one micro change at a time. Begin to repeat these new beliefs in your mind and out loud even if you don’t believe them. In this case, you sometimes have to be it until you are it (my alternative to “fake it until you make it”).

Respond differently to life and you'll create a different life.

As the repeated patterns of life show up, you’ll respond in new ways. This change will begin forming new, positive patterns. What bothered you before will seem insignificant now!

It is very important to show yourself grace in this process. You are taking on a monumental task here: creating new pathways in the brain!

Sobriety, to me, is like turning a cruise ship. It doesn't just "happen" all at once; it's a gradual process that fights against an enormous amount of momentum. That momentum is the beliefs and trauma you've held onto all of your life.

Awaken the Mantras

Write mantras to repeat all day every day. Make these simple and easy to remember.

For instance, one that has propelled my sobriety journey is “I am in control”.

Journal and reflect on these mantras and how your life is evolving. A technique that has been effective for me is writing my list of mantras on paper and reviewing them each night before bed or when I wake up, or both.

I will reflect on the day before in my mind's eye to evaluate how my thoughts, behaviors, and words stood up to my mantras. Taking my "I am in control" example, I will ask myself "Was I in control?". If not, how could I take more control?

Find a nonjudgmental support group to help. I found my tribe who created a container of love and accountability.

My tribe represents a diverse set of backgrounds and most of them are not even in sobriety. Connection to others is vitally important in this process. But you aren't required to connect to a 12-step group.

Addiction can be eradicated.
The urge to use the substance can go away.
Dig deep to identify, heal, and overwrite old programming.

There is freedom available to you.

You can live without constant fear of relapse.

Addiction doesn’t have to be your identity.

Embrace your brand new — disease-free — life!

For deeper research into this topic backed with science, I recommend reading Dr. Gabor Mate's book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts.