Sitting in a circle with 8 heterosexual people of various genders, none of whom with a history of crystal methamphetamine use.
Working with drug counselors who had never heard the word "Tina" before.
That was my treatment experience. Also, my probation experience. Also, my drug court experience.
Lonely.
Misunderstood.
Lacking expertise.
Culturally incompetent.
I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to prevent other gay chemsex users from having the same experience.
Before I was 90 days meth-free, I was posting my journey on social media and had started a blog called "Becoming Dallas."
I also soon realized what it would require of me to realize my purpose.
And that was to find peace and satisfaction with my current state of being. And at that time, I was living in an extended stay hotel without a car.
I honestly miss those days. Having virtually nothing made everything more special.
So, I found peace in every day. I found purpose. If I were on the public bus, peeing in a cup in front of a stranger or serving up sloppy tacos: I accepted my purpose and my place with grace.
Now, 7 1/2 years later, I'm living out my purpose and loving it. And guess what? I feel the same now as I did then. Finding peace in every day.
I hear it all the time in early recovery: "I need to find my purpose."
And when I ask what that looks like, the answer is almost always something grand.
Writing a book.
Starting a podcast.
Becoming an influencer.
Leading a nonprofit.
Something heroic.
So you start searching. You scroll through Instagram looking at what other people are doing. You wonder if you should go back to school, start a YouTube channel, launch a movement.
You feel the pressure mounting—if you don't figure out your purpose soon, what was the point of getting substance-free in the first place?
And here's what happens: the search becomes exhausting. Because you're looking everywhere except the one place purpose actually exists.
I help men who have sex with men break free from the addictive patterns of chemsex and become their best and highest selves. Our group coaching, Recovery Alchemy, is a 12-week, intense program that can literally change your life. We are always accepting new clients. Apply Here.
The Purpose Paradox
Here's the point I'd like you to leave this newsletter with: You don't FIND your purpose, you LIVE your purpose.
