One of the greatest gifts crystal methamphetamine gave me was the understanding of boundaries.
I wasn't shown boundaries as a child.
I never knew how to create boundaries as an adult.
And in my active meth use, that gap in understanding was exploited by the chemical.
For example, whenever someone asked me what I was into sexually, I would answer with another question: What are YOU into?
I was so fixated on being accepted by everyone around me, I never learned what I liked or disliked.
I was at the mercy of my emotions, never being able to stand up for myself.
Literally, my personality and my life shifted with the wind. No grounding or structure.
Once in recovery, I had the opportunity to define who I was, what I wanted, and most importantly, what I didn't want in my life.
Those whom I confided in about boundary-setting centered their discussion around other people's actions in my life.
I was extremely focused on trying to blame and control the behavior of others. I was missing the most important element of boundary-setting: the ones we make for ourselves.
The Uncomfortable Truth Nobody Wants to Hear
Let me tell you something that's going to sting: The biggest boundary violation in your life isn't what your parents did to you, what that ex did to you, or what strangers on Grindr expect from you.
It's what you're doing to yourself. Every. Single. Day.
Here's what the research shows and what I observe in most of the clients who walk through my door: When you let someone violate your boundaries, you are, in effect, violating your own boundaries.
You're the one abandoning yourself. You're the one committing the betrayal.
And crystal meth has been your accomplice in this betrayal all along.
And once this accomplice has been removed (or at least muffled), it is time to take full responsibility for the landscape of your life.
The Gay Man's False Self: A Masterclass in Self-Abandonment
