You know that feeling, right?
You turn every corner trying to get substance-free, trying to build a better life, and there's just... another wall. Another setback. Another slip. Another disappointment.
You're doing everything "right" - going to meetings, working steps, seeing your therapist, white-knuckling it through triggers - but you're still stuck in what I call the maze of chemsex recovery.
You want the same things everyone wants.
More confidence.
More freedom.
More peace.
Better relationships.
Financial stability.
A life that feels worth living.
A body you trust.
A mind that doesn't constantly betray you with cravings.
And the harder you try to make these things happen, the further they seem to get from you. That's deeply frustrating at a soul level. You just want a solution already. You want that breakthrough.
You're stuck because you're trying to drag your old self into your new life.
You're trying to become a new person while still thinking, feeling, and operating as the old one. And that, my friend, is why you keep hitting the walls and dead ends of the maze.
The Person You Must Sacrifice
The person standing between you and the substance-free life you crave isn't your dealer. It isn't your using buddy. It isn't the guy on Grindr who always has a "parTy." It isn't even the meth itself.
It's the version of you that's still aligned with that old reality.
Let me break this down because this is critical: The version of you who is already living substance-free, who has rebuilt their life, who feels confident and clear and powerful - that person doesn't think like you're thinking right now. They don't feel what you're feeling. They don't make the same choices when facing the same triggers.
When they get a text from an old hookup, they don't spiral into internal debate for three hours.
When they have a hard day at work, they don't immediately think about escaping into a session.
When they feel lonely on a Friday night, they have other options that actually feel good.
That's the gap.
That's why nothing seems to work. You're trying to get different results while operating from the same frequency.
Think about it this way: If you woke up tomorrow and you were already living the life you want - six months substance-free, clear-headed, surrounded by genuine friends, doing work that matters, feeling good in your body - how would that version of you handle the challenge you're facing right now?
Would that version of you even see it as a challenge? Or would they navigate it with a completely different energy?
This is what I mean by sacrificing your old self.
You have to let go of the parts of you that are misaligned with where you're going. Not with shame. Not with self-judgment. But with honest recognition that those old patterns, those old ways of thinking and feeling, they served a purpose once - but they're not taking you where you need to go.
