"You will find your way or lose your way through anchoring into the WHY you want to stop. Breakthroughs or breakdowns happen."
Hey y'all,
If you're reading this and you've made it to week ten, I need to stop and tell you something before we go any further:
You're a warrior.
I'm not being hyperbolic. Most people don't make it this far.
Most people relapse in the Distraction Phase and never see week ten.
(See Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 here)
The statistics on early chemsex recovery are brutal, and the fact that you're standing here—tired, changed, possibly still questioning everything—means you did something that the majority of guys who start this journey don't do.
You survived the desert. You walked through the gray. And you're still here.
Now comes the part that nobody prepares you for: the part where recovery has to become yours.
The Crossroads
Up until now, your recovery has been largely reactive.
In the Honeymoon Phase, you were riding the wave of relief and building systems because you were told to. In the Epiphany Phase, you were processing insights that came to you—you didn't seek them out so much as they found you. In the Distraction Phase, you were just surviving.
But now you're at a crossroads, and for the first time, recovery is asking you a question instead of giving you instructions.
The question is simple. The answer is not.
Why are you doing this?
Not "why did you stop using"—you already know that. The shame. The consequences. The bottom that finally felt low enough to push off from.
The question is: Why are you continuing?
Because fear of consequences is enough fuel to get you through the first ninety days, but it is nowhere near enough fuel to sustain a lifetime.
Fear is a sprinter.
It'll get you off the starting blocks. But recovery is a marathon, and fear gasses out around the mile marker you're standing at right now.
If the only reason you're substance-free is because you're afraid of what will happen if you use, you're building your recovery on the thinnest possible foundation.
And this is the phase where that foundation gets tested.
I help men who have sex with men break free from the addictive patterns of chemsex and become their best and highest selves. Our group coaching, Recovery Alchemy, is a 12-week, intense program that can literally change your life. We are always accepting new clients. Apply Here.
The Two Roads
In my years of working with gay men in chemsex recovery, I've watched week ten through twelve go one of two ways.
Both are valid. Both are necessary. And both lead somewhere important—just not to the same place.
