It's mid-July, and your Instagram feed looks like a highlight reel of everything you used to think you were missing.
Shirtless men at circuit parties in Mykonos.
Pride celebrations that stretch from Thursday to Tuesday.
Festival lineups that make my former party-self salivate with envy.
And here you sit, meth-free, watching it all unfold from the sidelines of your transformed life.
If you're feeling that familiar ache of FOMO right now, let me start with this truth:
You're not missing out. You're showing up.
The Summer Sobriety Paradox
Here's what nobody tells you about summer recovery: it's when the world becomes one giant party invitation, and you're holding a different kind of ticket entirely.
The gay community's summer calendar reads like a roadmap to everything that used to define connection, celebration, and belonging for many of us.
Circuit parties.
Pride festivals.
Vacation destinations.
All your old ways to escape reality.
I used to think sobriety during summer meant becoming a hermit, hiding from the world until September arrived to save me.
What I've learned instead is that summer sobriety is actually a masterclass in conscious living—if we're willing to rewrite the script.
The FOMO Trap and How to Escape It
Fear of Missing Out isn't just about parties—it's about the deep human need for belonging and celebration.
When crystal meth was my party companion, summer felt like a season of unlimited possibility.
Every invitation was a chance to transcend ordinary life, to feel connected, alive, electric.
But here's what I know now that I didn't know then: The highs were borrowing joy from my future self.
Every chemically-enhanced sunset was a sunset I couldn't actually see.
Every connection made while high was a connection my authentic self never really experienced.
The compassionate observer in me now watches these FOMO moments with curiosity rather than judgment.
When I see those party photos, I ask myself:
- What am I actually longing for in this moment?
- What need was the party trying to meet?
- How can I meet that need in a way that adds to rather than subtracts from my life?
Usually, the answer isn't about the party at all.
It's about connection, joy, freedom, or celebration—all things that are absolutely available to us in recovery, just in different packaging.
Redefining Summer Magic
The old story: Summer = parties, substances, escaping reality
The new story: Summer = presence, connection, creating reality
This summer, I'm practicing what I call "radical presence"—the revolutionary act of being fully here for the experiences that are actually happening in my life, rather than scrolling through experiences I'm not having.
Some ways I'm doing this:
Creating New Rituals
-
Sunday Sunset Ceremonies: Every week, I create a small ritual to mark the end of another week of showing up for myself. Sometimes it's journaling on my balcony. Sometimes it's calling a friend. Always, it's intentional.
-
Morning Walks: There's something about the morning sun at 7 AM that connects me to something larger than my small human worries. No crowds, no noise, just me and the infinite possibility of another day.
-
Sober Social Experiments: I'm actively seeking out new ways to connect with community that don't revolve around substances. Board game nights. Hiking groups. Cooking classes. Volunteering.
Honoring Your Authentic Celebration Style
Maybe you're not a circuit party person—maybe you never were, even when you were using.
Recovery gives us permission to discover what actually brings us joy, not what we think should bring us joy.
I've discovered I'm actually more of a sunset-on-the-porch-with-meaningful-conversation person than a dance-until-dawn person.
Recovery gave me the clarity to see that most of my party preferences were actually just my addiction's preferences.
The Body Image Summer Challenge
Let's be real about something the recovery community doesn't always address: summer in gay culture comes with intense body pressure.
"Summer body" season can trigger all kinds of inadequacy feelings, especially when our relationship with our bodies has been complicated by substance use.
Compassionate reframe: Your body is not a summer project—it's your home for this lifetime.
This summer, I'm practicing body gratitude instead of body optimization.
My body carried me through addiction. It's healing alongside my mind and spirit. It deserves appreciation, not criticism.
When the Loneliness Hits
There will be Saturday nights when everyone seems to be somewhere magical, and you're home watching Netflix.
This isn't failure—this is the space where transformation happens.
Three practices for difficult moments:
-
The Five-Minute Rule: Feel the feeling fully for five minutes. Set a timer. Cry, rage, feel sorry for yourself—whatever comes up. Then, consciously choose what comes next.
-
Connection Over Isolation: Reach out to one person in your recovery community. Share what you're experiencing. You'll discover you're not alone in feeling alone.
-
Future Self Gratitude: Write a letter from your future self thanking your present self for choosing recovery over the party. What will you be grateful for next summer?
Creating Your Own Summer of Transformation
What if this summer became the season you remembered as the turning point?
Not because you white-knuckled your way through temptation, but because you discovered that showing up for your real life is more adventurous than any drug-fueled escape could ever be.
Your homework (if you choose to accept it):
- Design one summer experience that feeds your soul without threatening your recovery
- Identify three people you can reach out to when FOMO hits hard
- Create a daily practice that keeps you connected to your "why" for choosing recovery
The Plot Twist
Here's the beautiful irony: while everyone else is chemically borrowing happiness from their future selves, you're actually building a life that generates authentic joy.
While they're escaping their lives, you're creating a life worth staying present for.
You're not missing out—you're building something that will last beyond summer.
This is your season of becoming.
Trust the process, stay curious about what wants to emerge, and remember: the best parties are the ones where you remember everything and wake up proud of who you were.
Love you, Dallas
P.S. If you're struggling right now, please reach out. My DMs are always open, and there's no judgment here—only love and understanding for the complexity of this path we're walking together.
Journal Prompts
1. Redefining Summer Magic
Write about your old story of summer versus your new story. What did summer used to mean to you when you were using? What does it mean now in recovery? Describe in detail what "radical presence" might look like in your daily life this summer.
2. The FOMO Investigation
Think of a recent moment when you experienced FOMO around parties or social events. Write about what you were actually longing for beneath the surface. Was it connection? Freedom? Joy? Celebration? How might you meet that deeper need in a way that aligns with your recovery?
3. Body Gratitude Practice
Write a letter to your body acknowledging everything it has carried you through. What has your body endured during addiction? How is it healing now? What would it feel like to approach this summer with body gratitude instead of body criticism?
4. Creating New Rituals
Design three new summer rituals that could replace old party-centered traditions. These should be practices that feed your soul and keep you connected to your recovery. Describe them in detail - what would they look like, feel like, and why would they be meaningful to you?
5. Future Self Gratitude
Write a letter from your future self one year from now, thanking your present self for choosing recovery over the party this summer. What will you be grateful for? What will have grown or changed? What new experiences will have become possible?
Reflective Questions
1. Authentic Celebration Style
"Maybe you're not a circuit party person—maybe you never were, even when you were using." What is your authentic celebration style? When you strip away what you think should bring you joy, what actually does? How might your addiction have masked your true preferences?
2. The Compassionate Observer
When you experience FOMO or see triggering content on social media, can you approach it with curiosity rather than judgment? What would it look like to become a "compassionate observer" of your own reactions and triggers?
3. Connection vs. Isolation
Who are the people in your recovery community you can reach out to when loneliness hits? What prevents you from reaching out when you need support? How can you practice "connection over isolation" this summer?
4. Borrowing vs. Building
The newsletter mentions that chemical highs "borrow joy from your future self." In what ways are you now building authentic joy instead of borrowing it? What sustainable sources of happiness are you cultivating in recovery?
5. Showing Up vs. Missing Out
"You're not missing out. You're showing up." What does "showing up" for your real life look like practically? What experiences or opportunities have become available to you in recovery that weren't possible when you were using?
Responses