What was the one thing that kept me actively using Meth?
Without a doubt, it was Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO).
The nuance that makes the Tina world different than other stubstances, is that we as gay men know that at ANYtime and ANYwhere there will be a chemsex parTy.
It is like a child who lives by an amusement park and must watch the rollercoasters in motion 24/7.
Having the power to access the fun right there in our hands (Grindr-like apps) leads to constant FOMO.
I can remember the gripping anguish of my body begging me to download and open Grindr.
Who was out tonight?
Who was in town parTying?
Was my favorite guy online?
What orgy am I being left out of?
Listen, the struggle is real.
It was tough for me because I was finding my worth in being invited to the parTys.
Even when my children were right there in front of me, wanting my attention.
I can recall finally giving in and downloading Grindr and feeling the rush of dopamine sweep my body when I heard that familiar twill of a new message.
FOMO isn't just about missing a party or a hookup. It's about something much deeper, something that formed in us long before we ever touched crystal.
Let me share what I've discovered about this feeling that haunts so many of us, and how we can transform it into a powerful catalyst for authentic living.
I help gay men break free from the addictive patterns of chemsex (Tina) and become their best and highest selves. My 1:1 coaching, Recovery Alchemy, is a six-month intense program that can literally change your life. I accept 2 new clients per month. Apply Here.
What I've come to understand is that FOMO isn't created by social media or Grindr – these things only magnify a shadow that was already there.
For many of us in the queer community, this shadow formed when we first realized we were different when we first had to hide parts of ourselves to survive.
Our FOMO often comes from childhoods where we:
Learned to conform rather than express our authentic selves
Feared disappointing others because rejection felt life-threatening
Adapted our joy to fit into what others would approve of
Felt powerless to create the lives we truly wanted
Sound familiar?
This social anxiety became our constant companion, and eventually, crystal offered a temporary escape – a chemical permission slip to finally feel free, connected, and powerful.
Breaking the FOMO Cycle in 6 Steps
1. Face Your Truth with Compassion
The first step is acknowledging the real root of this anxiety.
It's not about the parTy you're missing – it's about that wounded part of you that still believes you can't be fully yourself and still be loved.
Many of us in queer spaces found crystal because it temporarily dissolved this painful belief.
Under its influence, we didn't care about rejection – we felt invincible, desirable, and worthy of taking up space.
But that chemical courage came with a devastating price.
Your healing begins when you face that original wound: the belief that your authentic self isn't enough.
This isn't about the high you're missing – it's about the little one inside you who learned to fear disapproval more than anything.
When FOMO hits, ask yourself: "What am I really afraid of losing here?"
Often, it's not the party or the sex – it's the temporary relief from feeling like you have to perform to be loved.
You are addicted to the approval shortcut.
Deeper Practice: The next time FOMO triggers cravings, sit quietly with that feeling. Place a hand on your heart and speak to that younger part: "I see you're afraid of being left out again. That makes sense given our history. But we're safe now, and we can find belonging without hurting ourselves."
Reflection Question: When the FOMO hits hardest, what are you really afraid of losing? Connection? Validation? Excitement? Freedom?
Journal Prompt: "The last time I felt triggered to use because of FOMO, what I was really craving underneath was... When have I felt that same feeling in childhood? What did I learn then about belonging and love?"
