Today, we're diving deep into something that many of us have struggled with throughout our lives long before crystal entered the picture - boundaries.
Not just what they are but how they become the foundation of a life worth staying present for.
"What you into?"
Dear lord, how many times have I asked and/or received that question?
Invariably, after my portfolio of pics was approved by my potential hookup, that question would be introduced.
I've often wondered if my answer even mattered.
But, while in active meth use, my answer was always, "The question is, what am I NOT into."
This inference to my wildness would usually be met with a high level of satisfaction on the other end of the message.
And it was truthful.
I was always down for anything, anywhere, at any time.
I'd like to say my willingness to explore came from a healthy place, but it did not.
I wanted to be accepted by as many men as possible and the facade that I was open to the most extreme taboo made me popular.
Even in the gay meth scene, one must compete for levels of hotness and work to enter certain 'cliques'.
This was quite easy for me because I had zero boundaries.
In fact, I had no idea what boundaries meant.
Of course this led to placing myself in several dangerous situations, compromising what integrity I had left, and losing my sense of identity.
Fast forward to recovery, I was more than three years meth-free before I began to understand the freedom of boundaries.
The Hidden Truth About Boundaries in Our Community
Let's start with what many of us know but rarely speak about:
As gay men, we learned early that survival meant shape-shifting.
We adapted to others' expectations and became chameleons in a world that wasn't always safe for us to be ourselves.
Then crystal meth came along, promising to erase the pain of those compromises, to make us feel powerful in our powerlessness.
Those early adaptations were survival skills.
They kept you alive.
They got you here.
And now, in recovery, you're ready for something a little deeper - the art of authentic boundaries.
Boundaries aren't just about saying "no" but about recognizing that you're worth protecting.
Think about it:
- Every time you compromised your boundaries in active use, you were trying to meet a legitimate need: connection, acceptance, escape from pain, feeling seen
- Those needs weren't wrong - your methods of meeting them just weren't serving you
- Now, in recovery, boundaries become your way of honoring those same needs while staying true to your healing journey
