For those in early recovery, the pressure of resisting the pull of crystal meth can be almost too much to bear.
On this particular day, the crushing weight of my cravings caused a flight response.
I ran out of the house and into the woods.
The sun showed through the branches and into my teary eyes.
I stood holding my phone. I wanted to text my dealer, but I also didn't want to text my dealer.
My body shook in the summer heat as if I were freezing. My heart raced.
Looking down at my phone, sobbing, I began deleting every dealer and user contact.
This took place a year into abstinence. At that moment, I decided in my heart of hearts that there was no turning back.
A wave of relief rose from my feet, rippling throughout my body.
I wasn't shaking anymore. I was calm. And I stood in the silence.
"We've been waiting for you."
I dropped my phone and onto my knees. Somehow, I knew that I was hearing the voice of my angels.
My clear intentions pierced the veil so that I could hear their voice.
"Now, be like that tree."
I looked to my right and noticed a decaying tree on the ground. Staring at it for a few moments, I realized the message.
Everything I thought I was, like the tree, would be decomposed.
What would be left is my true self.
My soul self.
Who I was before addiction.
Who I was before the world told me.
That day began my journey of EGO death. Observing my shadows, learning my beliefs, and processing my triggers.
Unraveling all of the shit that blocked my internal light.
This is recovery.
Listen, you're not just fighting addictive patterns ā€“ you're engaged in something far more profound.
You're in the process of reclaiming your authentic self from years of programming, breaking free from the autopilot that's been running your life.
Every day you choose recovery, you're not just saying no to meth; you're saying yes to becoming the author of your own story.
