5 Steps to Understanding Willpower
Just because I've been in recovery from meth for six years does not mean I have more willpower than you.
It means I set up my environment to make decision-making easier.
You aren't weak.
You aren't "doing it wrong".
You aren't forever an addict.
I want you to stop wishing for more willpower and start being strategic. You have to be smarter than your addiction.
1. Your Brain on Decision Overload
There's a reason why I had to ask my kids to hide the Nutella from me when they were young. I would find myself spooning it out in the middle of the night.
Why at nighttime?
Because willpower is like a cellphone battery. You are only allotted so much each day. When you are faced with temptation and deny it, some willpower is drained.
By the end of the day, it is much more difficult to say no. This is also why relapses occur at night or wee hours of the morning. The willpower battery is in the red.
2. The Crystal Reward Hijack
Crystal meth floods the brain with dopamine, which is the 'feel good' chemical. Like when you bite into your favorite dessert. The subconscious registers the cake as "we like this experience."
The dopamine level of crystal meth is more than 10x higher than the experience of eating our favorite foods. So we etch a new nerual pathway in our brain saying "WE REALLY LIKE THIS!"
Sex releases the second highest level of dopamine in the brain. So when you mix meth and sex, well you've totally reprogrammed the entire motherboard.
I say all of that to say that willpower alone cannot interrupt the power of the neuron. Your brain has evolved to push for rewards and pleasure and will until death.
Unless you reprogram. Then you don't need willpower.
3. When Emotions Hit Hard
Every gay man will tell you that sex is the reason they use meth. But underneath the sex is always a belief about themselves that is at the core of the use.
A belief that is activating an emotion.
An emotion that is uncomforable and needs numbed.
Willpower will take a backseat to our emotions. Especially when we've spent our lives suppressing them. They will become unbearable.
4. A World Full of Triggers
In early recovery, being in the same places and being around the same people are no match for willpower. It will drain your battery quick.
I recommend taking extreme measures.
Put parental blocks on your phone.
Give your phone to a friend for the weekend.
Block and delete all user and dealer contacts.
De-activate social media.
You essentially have to handcuff yourself. At least temporarily. This creates a path of least resistance. Then you need zero willpower because there is no choice.
5. Recovery Requires New Skills
Quitting crystal isn't just about saying no. It's about learning new skills.
- Emotional Regulation;
- Visualization and Affirmations;
- Cravings Management;
- Sobriety Journaling;
- Building Self-Trust.
You can learn these skills through my Recovery Alchemy Coaching Program!
The Bottom Line
If you've been struggling to change your relationship with Tina through sheer force of will, cut yourself some slack. You're up against some serious biological and psychological factors that go way beyond simple choice.
You've survived and thrived through so much already. This is just another challenge you can overcome, one step at a time. Stay fierce, stay connected, and know that a life beyond crystal is not only possible โ it's waiting for you to claim it.
Love,
Dallas ๐
August 26, 2024
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