Doing the Work in Recovery.

The large church parking lot was empty except for the cluster of cars parked near the side door. This would make incognito almost impossible. I slowly pulled in, avoiding eye contact with the turning heads of the group gathered outside.

After turning my car off, I could hear their indistinguishable chatter. I nonchalantly scanned the scene. There were about fifteen people arranged in a closed circle, all smoking cigarettes. I scoffed to myself because I could see the literal cloud of smoke hovering above.

My stomach was twisting as I held my hand over the door handle. This would be my first Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meeting. I was court-ordered to attend while on probation for my first felony drug possession charge.

Slithering out of my car and past the group, I kept my eyes on the ground and darted for the door. Inside, I spotted chairs placed in a circle facing one another. Well, shit, no way to hide in the back.

Not long after, the nicotine gang rumbled in, and the meeting commenced. This would be the first time in my life the words "I am an addict" escaped my lips. That experience is a whole other story. This would also be the night I first witnessed a "Speaker's Meeting."

The lady who was sharing her story was celebrating 25 years of continuous sobriety from all mind and mood-altering drugs. I listened intently, hoping for some magic formula or relatability. At the time, I only knew other meth addicts, but no one who had ever quit and maintained sobriety. Is that possible?

I heard woeful tales of life kicking her while she was down, sickness, and failed marriages. I heard how if it hadn't been for her NA family and weekly meetings, she didn't know how she could have survived. I heard how addiction lurked around every corner throughout these past 25 years, but at least she never went back to "drinkin' and druggin'."

I left that night dismayed. What had I done to myself? My life? After ALL I had been through, coming out and meth addiction, now was I doomed to these meetings forever?

Closeted to openly gay = more judgment and unfulfillment;

Openly gay to meth addict = destruction of life and self;

Meth addict to Sober = dependence on weekly meetings to survive??

Needless to say, I turned right back to my addiction once the probation was over. Actually, the day the judge ruled that I had successfully met my obligations, I left the courthouse and went straight to get high.

Better to be high and feel temporarily happy than to end up sucking down cigarettes and clinging to meetings to get me through life's trials.

Can you relate?

In this week's podcast, we hear from Brian Banks of the Raging Heart On Podcast. He's a former meth addict who has been abstinent from the substance for 20 years but only recently began doing THE WORK.

Listen to the podcast here:

Watch the podcast here:

Honesty: The Foundation of Recovery

Brian emphasized that honesty is the key to every step of recovery. It's not just about being truthful with others, but also with yourself. This means confronting uncomfortable truths and acknowledging your struggles without shame.

Brian's turning point came when he was completely honest about his addiction, not only with himself but with everyone around him. He built accountability by letting people know about his attempt to get clean, which was a stark contrast to his previous efforts to hide his drug use. This radical honesty created a support system and made it harder for him to relapse without consequences.

Connecting with Your Inner Child

Brian's breakthrough came when he reconnected with his inner child through therapy. This allowed him to offer comfort and protection to the part of himself that felt unsafe and unheard. Through hypnosis, Brian visualized his eight-year-old self and realized how much that child needed protection and understanding.

He learned to self-regulate by calming and reassuring his younger self. This process helped him manage his emotional reactions in adult relationships and situations. Brian even put a childhood photo of himself as his phone lock screen to remind him to parent and comfort his inner child throughout the day.

Self-Love as Action

Brian learned that self-love isn't just a feeling, but a series of actions we take to care for ourselves. His therapist pointed out that while Brian claimed to love himself, he wasn't showing it through his actions.

True self-love involves treating yourself with the same kindness and consideration you'd offer a loved one. This might mean setting boundaries, speaking to yourself gently, or taking care of your physical and emotional needs. For Brian, it also meant pursuing new interests and allowing himself to be curious and imperfect, like when he decided to learn how to play ball at 44 years old.

Six years of recovery has taught me that not everyone who belongs to a 12-step progam becomes addicted to meetings and sponsors. There are plenty who embrace the work to seek self-actualization.

I'm so grateful for that first experience, however, because it showed me exactly what I didn't want out of life. And now, I'm enjoying exactly what I DO want.

And so can you.

Reach out if you if you'd like to work with me 1:1, join a group coaching community, or enroll in my free Reframing Relapse Course.

Love, Dallas 💚

Journal Prompts:

1. Write about a time when being honest (even if it was difficult) led to positive change in your life. How did it feel before, during, and after?
2. Describe a memory from your childhood where you felt safe, loved, and accepted. How can you recreate those feelings for yourself now?
3. List 5 specific ways you can show love to yourself through actions this week. Be as concrete as possible.
4. Write a letter to your younger self, offering comfort, understanding, and guidance.
5. Describe your ideal day of self-care. What would you do? How would you treat yourself?

Action Exercises:

1. Practice radical honesty for one day. Catch yourself in any white lies or half-truths, no matter how small. At the end of the day, reflect on how this impacted your interactions and feelings.
2. Find a photo of yourself as a child and place it somewhere you'll see it daily. Each time you look at it, offer a few kind words or a comforting thought to that younger version of you.
3. Choose one item from your self-love list and commit to doing it every day for a week. Notice how it impacts your mood and self-perception.
4. Engage in a childhood activity you enjoyed (coloring, playing with Legos, swinging at a park) for at least 15 minutes. Notice how it makes you feel.
5. Set boundaries in one area of your life where you've been overextending yourself. Notice how it feels to prioritize your own needs.