Let's Get Kinky (Sober).

I would bet the most common text sent via dating apps/sites is "What you into?".

I know many of my friends would cut and paste the answer from their notes app.

Or, if you splurged for Grindr-X you could save recurring phrases (how convenient!).

I never knew how to answer that question, to be honest.

1) I was afraid of being into the wrong thing and losing the bite.

2) What I was into changed depending on the mood and the dude.

So, I created a response that I found to be very effective:

"The shorter answer is, what am I NOT into?"

That seemed to be a turn-on to parTiers.

That's the nature of crystal meth; no boundaries and no inhibitions.

To meth users, this is oftentimes called "kink" and "fetish".

I used to associate being kinky with being completely piggy with a stranger without consent, and the more out of control the situation, the better.

I've learned that being kinky and pursuing fetishes sober is the polar opposite of what we learned under Tina's influence.

It has taken some time, but I've rebuilt my sexual and arousal templates. I've developed an open, honest space with another person that places consent and communication first.

And let me tell you that the sexual experience far outweighs anything I've experienced on crystal meth.

I'm happy to share with you my process within the Recovery Alchemy 1:1 Coaching program. I have one slot open for September, and then I'll take on clients in October. If you are interested, apply HERE.

Enjoy the episode and study guide!

Dallas 💚

Listen and/or watch the Podcast here:

Podcast Study Guide:

Rebuilding Sexuality in Sobriety:

Kink and fetish exploration can play a crucial role in rebuilding one's sexuality after overcoming addiction, particularly for those recovering from meth use. Many individuals fear that sober sex won't be as enjoyable or intense, but exploring kink can open up new avenues of pleasure and connection.

It's important to approach this journey with patience, as it takes time to rediscover what feels good and to build confidence in expressing desires.

The Importance of Communication and Consent:

In the world of kink and fetish play, communication and consent are paramount. The guiding principle is "safe, sane, and consensual." This means openly discussing boundaries, desires, and limits before engaging in any activities.

It also involves ongoing communication during scenes, using check-ins and safe words to ensure all parties are comfortable and enjoying the experience. Building trust through clear communication is essential for a positive and fulfilling kink experience.

Scene Negotiation and Check-ins:

Kink scenes should ideally be negotiated beforehand, with participants discussing what activities they're interested in, any hard limits, and how they'll communicate during the scene.

This pre-scene discussion helps set expectations and boundaries. During the scene, ongoing check-ins are crucial. These can be subtle, like asking "Are you enjoying that?" or more explicit depending on the intensity of the activities. Regular check-ins help maintain consent and allow for adjustments as needed.

Diverse Kink Roles and Dynamics:

The world of kink encompasses a wide spectrum of practices and roles, each with its own dynamics and protocols. Common dynamics include Dom/sub, Daddy/boy, and Master/slave relationships. Each of these has unique characteristics and expectations.

For example, a Sir/boy dynamic might involve more formal protocols and public displays of the power dynamic, while a Daddy/boy relationship might be more nurturing. Understanding these different roles can help individuals find the dynamic that resonates most with their desires and personality.

Reflective Questions:

1. How has your relationship with your sexuality changed in sobriety?
2. What fears or hesitations do you have about exploring kink or fetishes?
3. How comfortable are you communicating your desires and boundaries to a partner?
4. What aspects of kink or fetish play interest you most? What aspects make you uncomfortable?
5. How might exploring kink practices impact your recovery journey?

Journal Prompts:

1. Describe your ideal sexual experience in sobriety. How does it differ from your experiences while using?
2. Write about a time you successfully communicated a boundary or desire to a partner. How did it feel?
3. Reflect on any shame or stigma you've internalized about your sexual desires. Where did these beliefs come from?
4. Imagine your "perfect" Dom or sub persona. What qualities would they embody?
5. Write a letter to your younger self about healthy sexuality and relationships.

Action Exercises:

1. Research local kink-friendly recovery meetings or communities in your area.
2. Practice saying "no" to low-stakes requests to build confidence in setting boundaries.
3. Create a "Yes/No/Maybe" list of kink activities you're interested in exploring.
4. Role-play negotiating a scene with a trusted friend or therapist to practice communication skills.
5. Experiment with sensory play on yourself (e.g.