Don't Tell Me How Many Days Sober You Are...

Don't Tell Me How Many Days Sober You Are...

If I've learned anything over the past seven weeks of dating a man half my age, it's that age really is just a number.

I've been fed this line by younger guys for years and rolled my eyes every time.

However, my partner is lightyears ahead of me emotionally in many ways. He's experienced certain aspects of life that I'm only now facing.

I conclude that the number of days alive on the Earth does not correlate to maturity and a spiritually expanded perspective.

The same can be said of addiction recovery. I've concluded for years now that the number of days abstinent from the substance does not correlate to personal evolution.

Self-actualized recovery is a transformational process of identity shift.

And it is just that: a process.

Consecutive days 'sober' is not the goal here. Learning, assessing, embodying, and integrating along the way is where the value and the evolution lie.

There's a quote I've seen floating around social media that I've liked, and I recently was able to locate the original author.

In my opinion, this captures the recovery process perfectly.

"First, it's an intention. Then it's a behavior. Then a habit. Then a practice. Then it's second nature. Then it's simply who you are."

— Brendon Burchard, High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way

Y'all, recovery does not happen overnight. After six years of sobriety, I've entered into my first real relationship, and suddenly, I feel like I'm brand new to the game.

The growth and healing never stop. We are just better equipped to process them.

What is Intention?

Intention is a shift in awareness. It is the introduction of a new thought pattern.

It is much more powerful than we give it credit.

The moment you realize that actively using crystal meth is something you feel in your core that you want to stop, you've set an intention.

You are shifting your awareness, setting your sights on something new, and entertaining thoughts and visions of your new life.

This is when your recovery journey begins.

Everything else--relapsing, healing, abstinence, amends, rebuilding, relapsing again--are milestones along the journey.

Intention opens the door and sends out a message to the universe and your subconscious that you are now moving out of active addiction.

If you've set a strong intention to quit, you are in recovery. Period. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

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For me, it helped to make a mantra out of my intention. I would say, "We are on our way out." Which referred to me, my addiction, and my kids. We were all on our way out of having meth in our lives.

You've heard me say it: this requires repetition. Recovery is about reprogramming the subsconscious. You have to repeat your intention every day, all day.

From Behavior to Practice

The overall behavior we want is to abstain from using meth. If I were to make any modifications to Burchard's quote I would reorder habit and behavior.

That's because of the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. This book is a must-read for anyone in recovery. And funny thing is it wasn't written for addiction recovery.

In order to begin behaving like someone in recovery, we must frame our life with habits. Clear's suggestions for breaking habits (in summary) are below:

1) Make the undesired habit unsatisfying;
2) Remove the triggers from your enviornment;
3) Make it as difficult as possible to do the undesired habit;
4) Focus on life having incorporated a replacement habit.

If you are a client of mine, this probably looks familiar. If you can institute these four steps into your life as it pertains to crystal meth, you are most definitely on your way out.

1) Make meth use unsatisfying by anchoring into the remorse, regret, and shame involved in the come-downs. How it has negatively affected your life. Write and record all of these in the most emotional way possible. REPEAT.

2) Removing triggers. Do I really have to write it? Remove the apps (Grindr, Scruff, Telegram, etc), and put parental blocks on your phone to block other sites. Deactive social media and change your number. Go live with auntie. Whatever it takes to HANDCUFF yourself.

3) Make it as difficult as possible. Tell your friends and family, surrender your phone at night, share your location. Again, put barriers in place long enough so that you can separate from the drug and take time to EVOLVE.

4) Focus on recovery. What is life like for you without the addiction? Visualize and feel the emotion of life after meth. REPEAT.

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Introduce these four steps into your life, and you will begin creating a new habit of THOUGHT. When your thoughts change, your beliefs about yourself change. Then you will see your behaviors follow suit.

October is here! I am taking two brand new clients for my 1:1 Coaching Program to help you break free from crystal meth addiction. In 120 days, your life could look completely different. If you are interested in applying, click here.


Becoming Second Nature

Next, is practice. This stage occurs when your default is making decisions not to use. And this will require little to no effort.

You will organically brush off cravings and soon you will realize, "Hey, its been days since I've even thought about crystal meth!"

This is what's really important for most of you reading this:

Before the BIG practice of abstinence, the smaller daily practices are the most important part of your recovery journey.

This might include remembering to journal, gratitude lists, meditation, turning the phone off, going to the gym, saying no to a parTy.

Shift the lens from placing all of the importance on the practice of abstinence and focus on daily practices that result from the habit formation listed above.

Delight in them. Anchor into them. Celebrate them. Highlight them.

Practice becomes a way of life. A way of life becomes WHO YOU ARE.

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"I am someone who tries to journal daily" is much easier to believe and embody than "I am someone who never uses meth." Begin your practices small and manageable. Grow from there. Each small practice casts a vote for who you are.

The Ultimate Transformation: Identity

The final and most crucial stage is the transformation of identity.

I know it can be overwhelming when someone asks you, "Who are you?" You may have no idea what you want out of your life.

For me, I had to begin with one "I AM" statement (and not "I am an addict").

"I am a man who is recovered from crystal meth use."

That statement was all I could come up with. It was a start. It was the beginning of the birthing process of who I am today.

Even after a relapse, I would still use this statement. Because at my core I knew who I was.

I knew that I was on my way out of meth addiction. I knew that despite what the five senses told me, I was a man who was recovered from crystal meth use.

As time went on, I added many "I AM" statements to my list. I became the creator of my reality and my identity.

Today I am a man who is recovered from crystal meth use.

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In my coaching program, I use a tool called "Super-Charged Affirmations," which builds I AM statements from artifacts from your life. If you'd like a copy of this tool, reach out.

If you've read this far, thank you! Each week I send a newsletter knowing that it is meant for at least one person out there. I hope that is you.

Simply put, addiction recovery is about self-transformation. It is about striving to be your best self every single day.

If you can commit to that, you are on your way out of addiction.

Love you, Dallas 💚

P.S. I enroll two new 1:1 clients each month. I have openings for October! If you are interested, apply here.