Permission to Heal in Recovery.

"Get a f*cking job!"

I slammed my 16-year-old son's bedroom door to emphasize my command. You know, because that's what any caring, mature father in recovery would do, right?

My heart racing and stomach churning, I stepped onto the patio. I felt my body deflate and the regret welling up through my throat.

Here come the after-screaming tears.

At this time, I had been meth-free for four years. Notice I didn't say 'in recovery'. Being substance-less and doing the work in recovery are two very different states.

The emotions around my son being 16 with no job showed up as anger. That anger seemed uncontrollable sometimes, especially when it was paired with financial difficulties.

I hadn't learned how to channel and feel my emotions, aka Emotionally Sobriety.

In time, I learned that the first question to ask when feeling anger is not:

'What can that person do to make me feel better?' (My son getting a job and contributing financially to the household),

Instead, 'What belief about myself is misaligned' (What is my role in this emotional state).

This, my friends, is true Recovery.

With some introspection, I discovered that my emotion was shame masquerading as anger. I was holding onto shame residue from my behavior as a father in active addiction.

I saw my son's lack of drive directly reflecting my personal faults. I held the belief that "I am a bad father."

Which is misaligned with the truth.

I wasn't mad at my son; I was ashamed of myself.

This type of emotional regulation work will elevate your recovery journey and is much harder than quitting meth, I promise.

I share my techniques for Emotional Sobriety in my 1:1 Coaching Program, Recovery Alchemy. If you are interested in applying to be a client, Click Here.

In this week's podcast, I take a deep dive with my friend Matthew Fuller to discuss emotional processing and healing in recovery.

Love you all, Dallas 💚

Listen and/or Watch the podcast here:

Podcast Study Guide:

Change and Self-Perception

Let's face it - change is scary, especially when you're in recovery. It's like stepping into unknown territory; your brain is hardwired to be cautious about that. But here's the thing: you don't have to make massive, life-altering changes all at once.

In fact, it's often better if you don't. Instead, focus on small, incremental changes.

Maybe it's taking a five-minute walk today instead of promising yourself you'll run a marathon next month.

Remember, "better is better."

Each tiny improvement is a step forward, and those steps add up.

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Don't get caught up in the idea of perfection - progress is what matters. By breaking down big changes into smaller, manageable bits, you're more likely to succeed and build confidence in your ability to change.

Observing Thoughts and Emotions

Your mind can feel like a non-stop carnival ride sometimes, especially in recovery. Thoughts and emotions come and go, often at dizzying speeds.

The key is learning to observe these without getting caught up in them. Think of it like watching clouds pass in the sky - you see them, but you don't have to chase after each one.

When a thought or feeling pops up, try just noticing it. "Oh, there's that worry again," or "I'm feeling angry right now." This doesn't mean you ignore your emotions - they're important signals.

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But they don't always have to be in the driver's seat. By practicing this kind of observation, you'll see patterns and triggers more clearly. And remember, just like clouds in the sky, thoughts and feelings are temporary. They'll pass if you let them.

Building Trust with Yourself

Trust is the foundation of any good relationship, including the one you have with yourself. If you've struggled with addiction, chances are your self-trust has taken a hit.

Maybe you've broken promises to yourself or others. The good news is, you can rebuild that trust.

Start small - set tiny, achievable goals and follow through. It could be as simple as promising yourself you'll make your bed each morning. The key is consistency between what you say and what you do.

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Each time you keep a promise to yourself, you're laying another brick in the foundation of self-trust. It's okay if you slip up sometimes - we all do. The important thing is to keep at it. Rebuilding trust takes time, but with patience and persistence, you'll get there.

Cultivating Self-Compassion

Imagine how you'd treat a good friend who's going through a tough time. You'd probably be kind, understanding, and supportive, right?

Now, how do you treat yourself when things get rough? If you're like many people, especially those in recovery, you might be your own harshest critic.

Self-compassion is about treating yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a friend. This doesn't mean excusing harmful behaviors or not holding yourself accountable. It's about understanding that everyone faces challenges and makes mistakes - it's part of being human.

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When you stumble, try to respond with understanding and encouragement instead of beating yourself up. "This is tough, but I'm doing my best," or "I made a mistake, but that doesn't define me." By practicing self-compassion, you create a supportive internal environment to help you navigate recovery challenges.

Reframing Negativity and Cultivating Positivity

In recovery, it's easy to get stuck in negative thought patterns. But here's the thing - while it's important to be realistic, constantly focusing on the negative doesn't help you move forward.

The goal is to cultivate a balanced, realistic positivity. This doesn't mean forcing yourself to be cheerful all the time (that's what we call toxic positivity, and it's not helpful).

Instead, it's about being willing to look for the silver linings, even in tough situations. Maybe you slipped up in your recovery - that's a setback, sure, but can you find a lesson in it? What can you learn that will help you in the future?

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This kind of reframing takes practice, but it can be a powerful tool. Start by challenging yourself to find one positive aspect in challenging situations. Over time, you'll train your brain to see opportunities for growth and learning, even when things are difficult.

Reflective Questions

How does the fear of change impact your recovery journey?
In what ways do you currently observe your thoughts and emotions?
How has your addiction affected your ability to trust yourself?
What does self-compassion mean to you in the context of recovery?
How can you practice realistic positivity in your daily life?

Journal Prompts

Describe a recent small victory in your recovery. How did it make you feel?
Write about a recurring negative thought pattern. Where might it come from?
Reflect on a time when you kept a promise to yourself. How did it impact your self-trust?
Imagine explaining self-compassion to someone new to recovery. What would you say?
Write a letter to your future self, expressing hope and encouragement for your recovery journey.

Action Exercises

Set one small, achievable goal related to your recovery for the upcoming week.
Practice the "noting" technique: When a strong emotion or thought arises, simply label it (e.g., "thinking" or "feeling angry") and let it pass.
Make and keep a small promise to yourself each day for a week.
When facing a challenge, ask yourself, "What would I say to a friend in this situation?" and apply that advice to yourself.
At the end of each day, identify one thing that went better than expected, no matter how small.