The Point of No Return.

A little round face caught in my peripheral vyed for my attention. My intent was to keep my head down and avert my eyes from everyone in the waiting room. I looked up from my shoes to the brown toddler in the next chair.

She was on the lap of someone I assumed was her mother. The lady shouted incoherent Spanish words at two boys, violently playing chase. The little girl carefully fished one cheerio at a time out of a cup and stared up at me with huge dark eyes as she munched. She extended the cup toward me.

Before I could decline, I heard "348" announced over the intercom. It was my turn to peruse the free clothing store.

My first week sober. I needed some black T-shirts for my new serving job and hoped for at least one more pair of pants. I refused to follow my instinct to steal from Wal-Mart.

Those days were behind me.

I filled a shopping basket full of new clothes, tennis shoes, and toiletries. I was fighting back tears as I reflected on my life. I was strolling down the mall with armfuls of designer bags only a few years prior.

How was it that today, I was more grateful than I'd been in my entire life? A newfound appreciation for material possessions.

I folded my loot and shoved it into the bookbag my daughter had given me the day she picked me up from jail. She always looked out for her dad.

I caught the bus and made my way to my new job as a server. I remember tears rolling down my eyes as I stared out the window. I knew in my heart that my new life had begun.

Walking downtown toward my workplace, I decided to stop at Carolina Ale House to use the restroom and change into my new black tee. Carolina Ale House was located at the bottom of the highrise where I used to be an executive in downtown Charlotte. Another surreal moment.

I chose a stall and sat down, placing my phone on the toilet paper dispenser. It immediately fell through a crack and into the dispenser. I reached in to retrieve it and felt a familiar object.

I pulled out an orange-capped needle full of clear liquid.

My stomach dropped. My face grew hot from the blood coursing through my veins.

This was my decision point.

What are the chances that I would choose this restaurant, this stall, and drop my phone into this dispenser?

My mind raced, trying to remember when the attorney said I'd have to take my first drug test for court. I wondered if I could wait until after my shift and call out the next day. My thoughts raced as I fingered the needle.

I visualized my kids. The looks on their faces only a week prior. I immediately stood up, left the stall, and threw the needle in the garbage (somebody was undoubtedly PISSED soon after).

That one decision propelled my recovery.

That one decision instilled new trust in myself.

That one decision sent a strong message to the Universe.

That one decision changed the course of my self-confidence.

That, my friends, is an example of when the Universe sends a decision point.

And, in this week's podcast, we hear about Mausjohn's decision point and how his recovery took on a powerful new direction after he chose sobriety.

Listen to the podcast here:

Watch the podcast here:

The Progression of Addiction:

Mausjohn's story vividly illustrates the typical progression of addiction. He started with cocaine use in the ballroom scene, which seemed manageable at first. This progressed to crack cocaine, which had a more severe impact on his life, causing him to lose possessions and stability.

Finally, he transitioned to crystal meth, which became an all-consuming addiction. This progression demonstrates how substance use often escalates over time, with users seeking stronger highs or different effects. It's crucial for those in the early stages of substance use to recognize this pattern and seek help before the addiction worsens.

The Impact of Environment:

Mausjohn's experiences highlight the significant role environment plays in addiction. The ballroom scene, with its prevalence of drug use, provided easy access and social acceptance of substance use.

His move to Kansas City was an attempt to escape his addiction, but as he poignantly states, "Wherever you go, you take you with you." This underscores that geographical changes alone can't solve addiction problems; internal work and lifestyle changes are necessary.

Conversely, his success in Wilmington shows how a supportive recovery environment can positively impact sobriety.

Rock Bottom and the Decision to Change:

Mausjohn's turning point came when he faced potential homelessness and the loss of family support. This exemplifies the concept of "rock bottom" - a point where the negative consequences of addiction outweigh any perceived benefits of continued use.

However, it's important to note that rock bottom is different for everyone, and one doesn't need to lose everything before seeking help. Mausjohn's story shows that the decision to change often comes when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the fear of change.

The Importance of Treatment and Support:

Mausjohn's recovery journey emphasizes the crucial role of professional treatment and ongoing support. His experience at Wilmington Treatment Center provided him with the tools and stability needed to begin recovery.

The center's comprehensive approach, including group therapy, individual counseling, and education about different recovery pathways, gave him a strong foundation.

Furthermore, his involvement in the recovery community in Wilmington, including attending meetings and living in sober housing, demonstrates the importance of continued support after initial treatment.

Unique Challenges for African American Gay Men:

Mausjohn's perspective sheds light on the intersectionality of being African American, gay, and in recovery from addiction. He points out the lack of representation in treatment facilities, with few counselors who could relate to his specific experiences.

This highlights the need for more diverse staff in treatment centers and tailored approaches that address the unique challenges faced by minority communities. The multiple layers of stigma - around addiction, sexuality, and race - can create additional barriers to seeking and receiving appropriate care.

Personal Growth and Giving Back:

Mausjohn's story is not just about overcoming addiction, but also about personal growth and finding purpose. His journey from homelessness to having his own apartment, car, and job demonstrates the positive life changes that can come with recovery.

Moreover, his desire to become a substance abuse counselor and advocate for the African American community shows how recovery can inspire individuals to give back and make a difference in others' lives. This aspect of recovery - finding meaning and purpose beyond simply not using drugs - is crucial for long-term sobriety and fulfillment.

Journal Prompts:

1. Describe a moment when you felt truly accepted and supported. How can you create more of these moments in your recovery?
2. Write a letter to your future self, one year into solid recovery. What do you hope to have accomplished?
3. Reflect on a time when you tried to escape your problems by changing your environment. What did you learn from this experience?
4. List three ways your life could improve if you committed fully to recovery, as Mausjohn did.
5. Write about a personal strength you have that could help you in your recovery journey.

Actionable Exercises:

1. Research treatment options in your area that accept Medicare/Medicaid. Make a list of at least three potential facilities.
2. Create a vision board representing your life in recovery. Include images and words that inspire you to stay committed to your sobriety.
3. Reach out to someone in your life who has supported your recovery efforts. Express your gratitude and ask how you can strengthen your support network.

What was Mausjohn's decision point? Welllll you'll have to listen to this week's episode to find out 😄.

I'm grateful to feature yet another story of resilience and freedom from crystal meth. If you have a story to share, as a current addict, former addict, or loved one of an addict, let me know so we can talk about scheduling you for the podcast!

As always, I'm here to support. I am on a waiting list for 1:1 coaching, but offer a free 28 day course and an men's only monthly membership as immediate options.

Love you guys!

Dallas 💚